Broken and Fixed
by idioticonion
Summary: During the fall-out from The Goat, a secret is revealed. Spoilers to 5.07 The Rough Patch


**Broken**

Ted got very, very drunk on the night of his 30th birthday party. Lily, who'd been keeping a watchful eye on him, missed the signs. She missed the fact that he was doing vodka shots in the kitchen each time he went down into the apartment for a beer.

"It's broken... " Ted mumbled into Robin's shoulder when she found him slumped behind the sofa. "Bro-ken. Bro-ken. Geddit?" He huffed out a beery laugh.

"Ted, sweetie," Robin said, pushing him away with distaste. "What happened between you and Barney?"

Ted shrugged and frowned. "No…" He said, waving his hand in front of her face. "Thash the wrong question here!" He burped. "The correct question ish… what happened between you and Barney? Exactly?" He looked her, rather unsteadily, in the eye.

She returned the look, non-plussed. "What… you mean, what position-?"

"No!" Ted shouted angrily, causing Robin to move away from him. He toppled back onto the floor and lay there, groaning. "No…" He said with a moan. "What _happened_, Robin? How did you end up in bed with him?"

She sighed and sat down on the floor next to him. "I don't know," she replied, keeping her voice low. "I guess it was revertigo, and Barney was being so nice," Ted snorted, "and then to say thank you, I showed him my music video." She stopped herself, then shook her head. "Hell, you're not gonna remember anything in the morning, dude. Yeah, I showed him my music video, the follow-up, and one thing led to another and next thing I knew I was kissing him. I was grabbing his tie, because it was Barney and he's just so… Barney and he was there and he was easy and he listened to me…"

From the direction of the floor came a gentle snoring sound and Robin sighed with relief. She'd have never heard the end of it if the gang knew about Sandcastles in the Sand.

Then from behind her, Lily's voice rang out. "There's another music video?" Her and Marshall were standing by the window, their eyes lit up like two five year olds on Christmas Eve.

"Oh crap," Robin said.

**Fixed**

When the two girls got down to MacLaren's that Saturday lunch time, Barney was standing at the bar clutching his face, one side of which was aflame with a rosy glow.

"Oh man, what happened?" Lily asked. "Did Marshall use number four?"

Robin grinned as the two girls lead Barney over to their booth and sat him down.

"No," he sighed. "Just got slapped by some kick-boxing chick. I swear my stalker's doing this deliberately."

Robin handed Barney her scotch on the rocks and he held it gratefully up to his face.

"So how're you doing, slugger?" Lily said, stroking Barney's arm. Barney's gaze went from her hand to her arm to her cleavage in one smooth motion, linger on her rack, which elicited a "hey" from Lily and a punch on the arm.

Barney sighed theatrically and stared mournfully at the table top.

"Hey, I know what would cheer you up!" Lily said brightly. "Robin, show him your video again!"

Robin almost choked. "WHAT?"

Barney looked up, going pale. "WHAT?"

Lily looked between them, stammering "No… I didn't mean. No. I meant- Oh no. Actually watch the video guys. Not…"

Barney turned slowly to Robin, his voice strained. "You _told_ them?"

Robin shrugged. "I showed them the video at Ted's birthday party. Lily and Marshall said-"

"But that was _our _thing…?" Barney's voice cracked and his expression crumbled into child-like disappointment. Robin stared at him for a moment, completely phased by his reaction, until Barney sat up and straightened his tie. "Whatevs. Can't sit around with you chicks talking about shoes all day. Got stuff to do…" He pushed Robin's drink across to her and stood up. "Later, ladies," he said and stalked out of the bar.

Robin ran after him, leaving Lily sitting there utterly confused.

"You know, you keep doing that, you'll have no friends left," Robin said, with a click of her tongue.

"Doing what?" he asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets, his shoulders hunched. In that moment, he just looked so vulnerable that it broke her heart. Damn, Ted!

She sighed. "Look, you wanna watch the video again?" His face lit up. "No Barney. I mean actually watch the video."

He laughed. "S'what I thought you meant…" He grinned and followed her out into the street, where she was hailing a cab.

Just before she got in, she flashed him a grin and said "And then we can have sex." She winked.

"You're a cruel woman, Scherbatsky," he said.

"Word," she nodded, pulling him into the back seat.


End file.
